Eulogy

Our father had a philosophy that he lived by, if it’s not fun, don’t do it. To my brothers and I it seemed that he lived this mantra to the fullest extent day in and day out. Weather if it was shooting pool at a neighbor’s or floating down a river in China, he always chose to do things that would elicit joy and happiness.

He could garner just as much satisfaction and excitement from taking a train trip across the country to sitting in his house on a cold winter day with a cup of coffee with baileys in it watching cardinals & blue jays scamper in the fresh fallen snow. Dad had a gift of finding passion in the ordinary therefore making everyday life, extraordinary.

He constantly sought to feed his mind and his soul with new experiences and knowledge. It didn’t matter if it involved traveling to distant far away lands or sitting back in his recliner with his nose in a book. The world was full of constant wonder, surprises and secrets that he loved chasing after and learning about.

Growing up my brothers and I thought there was nothing our dad couldn’t do. Sports, carpentry, scholastic endeavors, it didn’t matter. He was always a constant source of answers, insight, talent and information. Whatever he knew he got great satisfaction from sharing it with others. And share he did.

Dad was never one to say no to anyone that asked for help. It didn’t matter the time, day or cost, he was always happy to be of service. He was beyond generous and altruistic in everything that he gave. All he ever asked for in return was to see people happy & content.

From our childhood well into our adult lives dad repeatedly moved heaven and earth for us. There was nothing that he wouldn’t do for each of us boys. He supported us in any endeavor we chose and showered us with love and encouragement in any path we decided to go down in life.

His unwavering support instilled in us a sense of confidence, security, drive and permission to pursue any dream that captivated us and dared us to chase it. Time and time again he gave us his all in our pursuit to find happiness in the way we defined it. Never did he try to deviate us from the journeys we embarked on. He only fueled the engines of our souls and told us to run after our desires.

As we grew up and became men ourselves we realized the scope and depth of what our father did & was still doing for us. His love was always unconditional, his commitment and loyalty steadfast and unshakable and his forgiveness was never-ending. It didn’t matter how many mistakes we’d make or how many times we’d fall on our face, he was always there to pick us up just like when we were children and tell us to never give up because he’d never give up on us.  What came naturally to him in regard to decency, patience, love and understanding are virtues that my siblings and I will aspire to ascend to for the rest of our days.

I feel the one trait that made our father truly amazing though was his courage to be completely vulnerable in front of his sons. It seemed as if the older we got, the less he played his role as patriarch and the more he became our friend. I’d like to think that he found it cathartic and safe to talk with us about the things that troubled him, scared him or confused him to the point of worry. He found solace and comfort in confiding in us things he wouldn‘t have necessarily shared with others .

Years after our parents divorced there was a time when all three of us boys lived with him. It was one of the most memorable times ever. It was less family and more frat house. There was never a dull moment amongst us and always an adventure to go on. And even though we’d all had a strong bond with him, it seemed during that time that the fibers that were interwoven between us and him became unbreakable. In him he was our rock and source of stability. In us, the essence of him that we’ll carry on into the world.

There was a time not long ago that he and I were in a conversation and he asked “Have I been a good father? Because sometimes I feel that I wasn’t, like there was more I could’ve done.”  I told him my brothers and I couldn’t have been more blessed with such a loving and giving human being. And the fact that he was always striving to be better than the person he was the day before was a testament to the incredible type of person he was.

We think that if there’s one thing our father loved more than anything else, it was stories. He loved to tell them, read about them or listen to them from both loved ones and complete strangers. And even though he’s no longer with us, we all have stories of him that will forever keep him in our hearts. I know that Todd, Brad & I were so very lucky and fortunate to be in the story of Alvin Henry Stuke.

Years ago I was on an interview and the person interviewing me said something so profound that I never forgot it and it was this; You can tell a lot about a person and the life they led by the number of people that turned out to tell them goodbye after they departed. I think the sheer numbers of those in attendance today illustrates just how far reaching and impressionable our father was to the rest of the world.

So long, Dad. Thank you for everything, you will forever be a part of us. We’ll see you soon on the other side.